07-18-2012, 04:13 PM
Once upon a time there was a lonely gnome who wanted friends. So he ran around to all the fairy tale characters and whispered sweet things to them, so they would like him more. But he was only pretending, and soon none of the fairy tale creatures would talk to him except the trolls. The trolls thought the gnome was a funny little character, and they liked when he danced for them. So they found a bit of tin foil and fashioned it into a circle, and pretended to make him their "king". For a while, all was good.
But the gnome still wanted real friends so he occasionally tried to approach other fairy tale creatures. But every time he became upset the gnome would run back to his pretend friends the trolls, and cry how the other creatures were mean to him. So the trolls would pretend to stomp and huff and make lots of rude noises in order to scare the fairy tale creatures. But trolls are stupid and easily bored; eventually they tired of this game and wandered off to measure their farts against one another, and were never heard from again.
Now the gnome was sad, because he had no real friends and no pretend friends and everyone had left him alone in his pretend kingdom. So he took the rest of his tin foil crown, tore bits of it off and made little tiny men even smaller than himself, and named them big fancy names. Sometimes he called them after his vanished troll friends, sometimes he called them new names, and sometimes he just made up random noises. When he was finished, the gnome took all his little tin foil men and went to the Fairy tale creatures' house. He set up all the little tiny tinfoil men outside the door, then hid in the bushes. When the fairy tale creatures answered, the hidden gnome pretended to talk for the little tiny tinfoil men, and said "How do you do? I am a complete stranger who would like to ask if you have met my friend the gnome who is not me? He is very wonderful."
But none of the fairy tale creatures were fooled; the billy goats gruff ate several of the little tiny tinfoil men, the other creatures made rude noises, and one talking lion pooped on the bush where the gnome was hiding. The gnome was happy for a moment, because the lionpoop temporarily confused the other creatures by disguising the gnome. He was so happy he began to grin widely, which caused the lionpoop to fall into his mouth and make him choke and gag. But then he became angry because the queen of clubs swung her mallet, knocking off the poop and revealing the gnome for what he was. Enraged, the gnome flung piles of poop everywhere he could; but the queen of clubs swung her mallet again and squashed the gnome dead.
The moral of my story, boys and girls, is this: Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy; not everyone who knocks shit off of you is your friend; and never trust a gnome with a troll crown and a shit-eating grin.
But the gnome still wanted real friends so he occasionally tried to approach other fairy tale creatures. But every time he became upset the gnome would run back to his pretend friends the trolls, and cry how the other creatures were mean to him. So the trolls would pretend to stomp and huff and make lots of rude noises in order to scare the fairy tale creatures. But trolls are stupid and easily bored; eventually they tired of this game and wandered off to measure their farts against one another, and were never heard from again.
Now the gnome was sad, because he had no real friends and no pretend friends and everyone had left him alone in his pretend kingdom. So he took the rest of his tin foil crown, tore bits of it off and made little tiny men even smaller than himself, and named them big fancy names. Sometimes he called them after his vanished troll friends, sometimes he called them new names, and sometimes he just made up random noises. When he was finished, the gnome took all his little tin foil men and went to the Fairy tale creatures' house. He set up all the little tiny tinfoil men outside the door, then hid in the bushes. When the fairy tale creatures answered, the hidden gnome pretended to talk for the little tiny tinfoil men, and said "How do you do? I am a complete stranger who would like to ask if you have met my friend the gnome who is not me? He is very wonderful."
But none of the fairy tale creatures were fooled; the billy goats gruff ate several of the little tiny tinfoil men, the other creatures made rude noises, and one talking lion pooped on the bush where the gnome was hiding. The gnome was happy for a moment, because the lionpoop temporarily confused the other creatures by disguising the gnome. He was so happy he began to grin widely, which caused the lionpoop to fall into his mouth and make him choke and gag. But then he became angry because the queen of clubs swung her mallet, knocking off the poop and revealing the gnome for what he was. Enraged, the gnome flung piles of poop everywhere he could; but the queen of clubs swung her mallet again and squashed the gnome dead.
The moral of my story, boys and girls, is this: Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy; not everyone who knocks shit off of you is your friend; and never trust a gnome with a troll crown and a shit-eating grin.