I'm here

[Cynical Ninja]

Ok, now about this resume of yours. Kickin' ass around the world? Where? And "for a long time"? How long?

You name the major country I've been there. None of these new piss ass declare independence countries that are poping up everywhere. As for years lets just say I'm old enough.

Military?

No! I am totally serious. Ex world class athlete. Lets just say I carried the flag of this country a few times. Very proudly I must say.

Yeah and I'm a space cowboy.

I am also 11 feet tall and made of pure titanium.

Both thesefacts areas likely as your claim to have been a world class athlete.

Unless sitting at a keyboard typing shit has become an olympic event?

You would not know what a world class athlete was if it hit you in the face. The fact is I was and if you would like to dispute any of it let me know

Is wanking off to internet porn considered an athletic event?

If so I have no doubt you are world class.

God didn't bless you with a brain obviously so I hope for your sake he at least gave you the ability to run/jump/throw a bit, I really do.

By the way, I invented the internet and the apostrophe.

I also discovered the sun and can catch cruise missiles with my teeth.