05-23-2015, 11:14 PM
A guy is in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'.
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot'.
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'.
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent and a thoroughly educated bird'.
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet?'.
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers'.
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you?'
Yes, we can be friends, You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion'.
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that'.
'Says the parrot, 'I'm defective, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!'.
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by, The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man'.
'What are you talking about' asks the guy?
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him
at the door, in a sheer black nightie'. Then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over' reported the parrot.
'NO!' the guy exclaims, 'and she let him?'
'Yes, Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'.
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch!'!!
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot'.
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'.
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent and a thoroughly educated bird'.
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet?'.
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers'.
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you?'
Yes, we can be friends, You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion'.
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that'.
'Says the parrot, 'I'm defective, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!'.
The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by, The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal.
One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing.
'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man'.
'What are you talking about' asks the guy?
'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him
at the door, in a sheer black nightie'. Then the UPS man came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over' reported the parrot.
'NO!' the guy exclaims, 'and she let him?'
'Yes, Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'.
DUNNO?!? I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch!'!!
Carsman: Loves Living Large
Home is where you're treated the best, but complain the most!
Life is short, make the most of it, get outta here!
Home is where you're treated the best, but complain the most!
Life is short, make the most of it, get outta here!