hypothetical: calling all evil vagina monsters

[Donovan]

That was how we did it last time and to her credit she was very good about letting me take him. I'm just not at all sure I can take the once a week shit of being her extra babysitter, jockeying for time with the no good parents, and wondering what kind of damage it's doing to him. He did not do well with me living in a different household last time.

Although difficult to do, you need to try to take her out of the picture, try to jockey for time to be with the boy if you love and care for him. Otherwise, your toxic relationship with his mother will overflow into your time with him......Just enjoy him and do things you both enjoy and he will give you unconditional love....The household is not really relative in the equation, it just doesn't matter to a kid......he will feel the love....period....a win-win move.

Yeah this would be the best way. But like I said, kid has already been abandoned by mommy and daddy and is beginning to notice. As the primary daddy figure in his life, but with zero legal power, I don't have a say in any part of what she does or does not choose to let happen. I've been through this rodeo before. One of the hazards of getting too attached to other people's kids.