Callout re: Weinstein and #metoo

[Donovan]

So I figure this is a good place for this, because it's been bugging me for a while and probably deserves a public airing. A lot of people here have been following and commenting on the #metoo movement since it blew up, including the recently wrapped Weinstein case. I have also had a lot of opinions on the matter and have given it a lot of thought during my time away from here. I've always thought myself very liberal, very tolerant and progressive in my worldview, which is why the #metoo movement kinda bugged me with regard to some of the behavior witnessed here daily, so much so that I had to take some time away. That hasn't really helped ease my irritation, so I felt like I should come back and state my piece.

I'm calling out myself. 

See, I've always prided myself as some kind of "equal opportunity asshole" who treated men and women the same, blasting those who needed it, pulling no punches, and obliterating that line in the sand of "what not to say" in flaming/trolling/etc. Fancied myself something of a maverick even. But as the details of what women revealed in #metoo emerged, I began to realize with uncomfortable dawning clarity: I have been every awful experience some women have faced daily for their entire lives. My schtick wasn't  unique, or irreverent,  or non-gender-biased, it was literally identical to what every woman here and elsewhere has had to live with from basically the onset of puberty if not before. My crass and vulgar sex innuendo wasn't adorable or clever. It was creepy and all-too familiar to the women I interacted with, most of whom were simply too weary or jaded to bother pointing it out. So I'm doing it for them.

I'm not a supporter, or an ally, or a female empowerment advocate.

I'm the fucking problem. 

I have said before, I have excellent recall of written stuff, including things I wrote myself. So many of the things I've said here are still painfully embedded in my memory. Women I've insulted with sexist jibes, women I've "complimented" with creepy come-ons, women I've simply lambasted for daring to admit being female online. Me and every other creep they've had to shrug and smile and laugh off just in order to make it thru the day without screaming.

I'm the fucking problem. And that realization hit me pretty hard. Even when a person like me freely admits to being an asshole, it's a bitter pill to realize I am way worse than even I reckoned. Because self-awareness is always kind of tongue in cheek, with a sly smile and a wink. I'm so awful, (but not really).

Yes, really.

So to Sally, and User, and Duchess, and HotD, and LoveChild, and, literally every other woman here and elsewhere I've subjected to creepiness based on their coincidental ownership of female genitalia and a mistaken idea that I was being funny: I apologize deeply for those affronts whether you were offended or not. If I used your gender as a bludgeon, I regret it and it bugs me. If I subjected you to creepy come-ons disguised as "flirts" attempting to be funny...I see it now. Moments of clarity sting a little. But they make us better if we choose to listen.

Don't misunderstand this post. I'm still an asshole. Pretty sure that is hardwired into my personality. I still harbor unrequited crushes on the women whose words and intellect and interactions have tickled my brainstem here and elsewhere. I still will call bullshit where and when I perceive it, irregardless of gender. But when I do, I promise to try to take a moment to truly consider my words and whether they are valid to the subject...or just more empty sexist trash many of you have dealt with since childhood. 

I'm the fucking problem. But I'm trying real hard to not be.

Baby steps.