HAVE YOU EVER?

[Duchess]

Have you ever looked at something that belonged to someone else and think you could do better? For example, look at someone's landscaping or home decor, or style, miscellaneous bullshit like that, or even food that someone has prepared.

[sally]

My friend’s new boyfriend. He is one ugly sumabitch and she just thinks he is so sexy. He looks like a cross between a plucked chicken and a turtle. Other than that not really. I still find my husband kinda attractive as far as physical features go. This mofo, however, fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

[Duchess]

I'm surprised you've never looked at what was being served and thought that you could have done better.

[sally]

I'm surprised you've never looked at what was being served and thought that you could have done better.

I’m always delighted when someone cooks other than me. It would have to be real shit for me not to appreciate it. The only exception is deviled eggs, I’m pretty judgmental when it comes to those. If you put sweet relish or Miracle Whip in there then get those little nasties out my face. Flush the bastards.

[Duchess]

Simply reading Miracle Whip made the back of my throat tighten up. Gross, so gross.

[sally]

Black people like that shit. That’s a generalization, but someone is obviously buying that shit. It’s definitely the black folk.

[username]

I’m sure I have on almost everything. I mean…I don’t compare my abilities so much with others but I can definitely be judgmental. Like, walking into a house with gold filigree everywhere might make me question someone’s taste.

I don’t think I’m a great cook so I’m generally happy to be served most anything but I remember when my FIL put a cooked pig on its back with an apple stuffed in its mouth and being grossed out when he said “dig in”.

I question people’s attire at the gym all.the.time. And sometimes their behavior. It’s like a nudist colony and then there’s the guy that puts a towel in his mouth riding a stationary bike. I guess he’s convinced nose breathing at any cost is better?

[sally]

There is a lady that lives at the gym and never makes any progress for how much she works out. She wears spandex short shorts and has no ass to speak of. I think she needs professional help. So yeah, I guess I’m a little judgmental, but how could someone not be? She’s trying to grow her ass and it hasn’t changed in 5 years.

[MirahM]

Nope. People can look at me and say that shit all day long. My house isn't special, but I sure do host well when I have guests.

[Duchess]

Welp. It looks like I'm the only asshole. I look at new landscaping and think I could have done so much better. I look at some women painted like clowns and think I could have done so much better and what do you think goes through my mind when I see grown ass females wearing a cartoon t-shirt.

I manage shit better than most people too.  

I don't voice this stuff aloud, people. Jeez.

[BigMark]

Cremation is my last hope of having a smoking hot body.

[sally]

Welp. It looks like I'm the only asshole. I look at new landscaping and think I could have done so much better. I look at some women painted like clowns and think I could have done so much better and what do you think goes through my mind when I see grown ass females wearing a cartoon t-shirt.

I manage shit better than most people too.  

I don't voice this stuff aloud, people. Jeez.

You told me you could have done better with my landscaping. You should have got your flabby ass over here and done it then. All talk and no action, just an old bag of hot air you are. You are indeed the only asshole in the room.

[Duchess]

I told you your landscapers lacked imagination. 

I would have fuckin' loved doing that for you.

[sally]

It actually all grew in now and bloomed so it looks nicer. The walkway and entrance is lined with blue daze flowers which are really pretty and the watermelon crepe Myrtle is covered in pink flowers. The oak trees also sprouted leaves. I thought that they sold me dead trees, but it was in the middle of winter so they didn’t look so hot.

[BigMark]

[Duchess]

Those zinnias found a way. They are a very resilient plant.

[MirahM]

Welp. It looks like I'm the only asshole. I look at new landscaping and think I could have done so much better. I look at some women painted like clowns and think I could have done so much better and what do you think goes through my mind when I see grown ass females wearing a cartoon t-shirt.

I manage shit better than most people too.  

I don't voice this stuff aloud, people. Jeez.

I'm not calling you an asshole. You are an expert at something. That is what experts do! SO THERE! JEEZ

P.S. I'm better at trolling than you.

But I wasn't trolling just now.

I have no fucking skills is all I was saying. SHEESH!!!!!

[Duchess]

P.S. I'm better at trolling than you.

 Yes, you are, Angel Baby.

[MirahM]

Lol

[Duchess]

Everyone is better at trolling than I am. I stopped trying a long time ago.