A Ramsey joke

[LuMPyPussy]

Yes, its me.

Meh. A bit too scrawny for my tastes but not repulsive like Lickdick or Borndragon.

BD has never posted his photo, retard.

[DPD Chick]

you're not homely, D

[D]

you're not homely, D

Nor do I consider myself to be. My problem with women stems from two things:

1) I'm an unrelenting cynical asshole.
2) Women are self absorbed materialistic cunts who use men and then drop them by the wayside.

Now how do you think I ended UP becoming #1?

From: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

[Middle Finger]

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Hey now! You are cute. But a twin bed?

A) I don't live there any more.
B) If you had seen how small that place was, you'd understand. Between me and the wall in front of me is only about 18 inches. The person taking the pic is actually through the doorway.
C) I have a king now.


But all that aside... why does it matter? I was living alone and was between girlfriends. I didn't need a big bed lol. I don't move much in my sleep.

You wanna hear some shit? I have to have a body pillow on each side of me so when I turn over, which I do several times a night, I have a body pillow waiting for me to wrap. My first week with a body pillow was annoying because even though I loved it, I didn't like having to take it with me when I turned.

[DPD Chick]

I have yet to buy a freaking body pillow and I hate that all night, I have to grab my favorite pillow when I roll over

[D]

::rotfl::

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Hey now! You are cute. But a twin bed?

A) I don't live there any more.
B) If you had seen how small that place was, you'd understand. Between me and the wall in front of me is only about 18 inches. The person taking the pic is actually through the doorway.
C) I have a king now.


But all that aside... why does it matter? I was living alone and was between girlfriends. I didn't need a big bed lol. I don't move much in my sleep.

You wanna hear some shit? I have to have a body pillow on each side of me so when I turn over, which I do several times a night, I have a body pillow waiting for me to wrap. My first week with a body pillow was annoying because even though I loved it, I didn't like having to take it with me when I turned.

[ramseycat]

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Hey now! You are cute. But a twin bed?

A) I don't live there any more.
B) If you had seen how small that place was, you'd understand. Between me and the wall in front of me is only about 18 inches. The person taking the pic is actually through the doorway.
C) I have a king now.


But all that aside... why does it matter? I was living alone and was between girlfriends. I didn't need a big bed lol. I don't move much in my sleep.

You wanna hear some shit? I have to have a body pillow on each side of me so when I turn over, which I do several times a night, I have a body pillow waiting for me to wrap. My first week with a body pillow was annoying because even though I loved it, I didn't like having to take it with me when I turned.

You sleep with a body pillow between you and your wife? Wow, that explains a lot.

[Middle Finger]

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Hey now! You are cute. But a twin bed?

A) I don't live there any more.
B) If you had seen how small that place was, you'd understand. Between me and the wall in front of me is only about 18 inches. The person taking the pic is actually through the doorway.
C) I have a king now.


But all that aside... why does it matter? I was living alone and was between girlfriends. I didn't need a big bed lol. I don't move much in my sleep.

You wanna hear some shit? I have to have a body pillow on each side of me so when I turn over, which I do several times a night, I have a body pillow waiting for me to wrap. My first week with a body pillow was annoying because even though I loved it, I didn't like having to take it with me when I turned.

You sleep with a body pillow between you and your wife? Wow, that explains a lot.

Yes, dopey, when she is SLEEPING. While sleeping I have been trained to keep something between us because she freaks out if my toe nail scratches her.

When you are married for 15 years in a real relationship (something you know ZERO about) and have three kids, you don't fuck with the sleep and you do NOT scratch my wife with a toe nail.

[DPD Chick]

toe claws eww

[sally]

My husband has been putting a pillow between us lately, should I be worried? Meh nevermind, fuck it.

[Middle Finger]

My husband has been putting a pillow between us lately, should I be worried? Meh nevermind, fuck it.

If it's a body pillow, don't worry about it. That's perfectly natural and good. If it's a throw pillow, I'd worry.

[sally]

My husband has been putting a pillow between us lately, should I be worried? Meh nevermind, fuck it.

If it's a body pillow, don't worry about it. That's perfectly natural and good. If it's a throw pillow, I'd worry.

It's a king size pillow, he claims it keeps the sunlight out of his eyes in the morning, but I don't believe him.

[Maggot]

The toe nail thing is creeping me. I just cannot shake it off.::worried::

[D]

The toe nail thing is creeping me. I just cannot shake it off.::worried::

No fucking doubt. Cut them things off man. I chop mine every 3 days, and I don't currently share a bed with anyone! Its GROSS man. Reminds me of my father with his 3 weeks between fingernail clippings. So damned nasty. Especially if he did any auto repairs during those weeks. I always wondered how his fingers didn't grow fungus and fall off with all that shit under his nails. I keep fingers and toes clipped every few days, or I freak. Of course... long fingernails + 10 hours / day at a keyboard sucks ass.

[sally]

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Much cuter than I pictured. Actually, I didn't picture you cute at all ::laugh::

[D]

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Much cuter than I pictured. Actually, I didn't picture you cute at all ::laugh::

Gee, thanks. :;box::::batguy::

I need to get rid of my winter spare tire here shortly. Too much time sitting on my ass in front of computers. Now that spring is here I can go fishing, walk the trails, ride my bike and just enjoy nature again. I can't wait.

[ramseycat]

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Hey now! You are cute. But a twin bed?

A) I don't live there any more.
B) If you had seen how small that place was, you'd understand. Between me and the wall in front of me is only about 18 inches. The person taking the pic is actually through the doorway.
C) I have a king now.


But all that aside... why does it matter? I was living alone and was between girlfriends. I didn't need a big bed lol. I don't move much in my sleep.

You wanna hear some shit? I have to have a body pillow on each side of me so when I turn over, which I do several times a night, I have a body pillow waiting for me to wrap. My first week with a body pillow was annoying because even though I loved it, I didn't like having to take it with me when I turned.

You sleep with a body pillow between you and your wife? Wow, that explains a lot.

Yes, dopey, when she is SLEEPING. While sleeping I have been trained to keep something between us because she freaks out if my toe nail scratches her.

When you are married for 15 years in a real relationship (something you know ZERO about) and have three kids, you don't fuck with the sleep and you do NOT scratch my wife with a toe nail.

Ah yea, I was married for 15 years jackhole. And we have two kids. I KNOW about the sleep. Believe me. However, there is nothing sweeter than cuddling with the one you love. Hard to do with a gigantic pillow between you. NORMAL men do not sleep with a body pillow on each side of them.

And do cut those skanky nails. I didn't picture you as the ungroomed type.

[Maggot]

Well then, you just get in. Can I see a pic of the merchandise? LOL

Yes, its me. No, I'm not actually PLAYING it in these pics. Nor do I play now, since both my guitars are in storage

Much cuter than I pictured. Actually, I didn't picture you cute at all ::laugh::

I feel like I slept through a whole day and did not realize it.::blink::